The Crux of my Creativity

“Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its highest. Live in fragments no longer.”
― E. M. Forster, Howard’s End

I was introduced to E. M. Forster’s Howard’s End in my British Fiction class at Queens College. It was one of 11 books on our syllabus. I had never read so many works in one semester in my life. And honestly, I skimmed a few of them. Thank God for CliffsNotes, they filled in what I missed. But Howard’s End, I read in its entirety cover to cover. It immediately resounded with me.

I identified with Margaret, the protagonist of the Shlegel family. Intellectual and idealistic, she appreciated art and culture. Margaret enjoyed talking about those topics with others. A nurturer by nature, she cares a great deal about interpersonal relationships. I saw myself in her. So when she was besotted with the new widower Mr. Wilcox it bothered me.

I was annoyed, he didn’t seem a good match for her vitality, her passion for life. He was an older businessman, very pragmatic, and was, to me, in no way worthy of her spark. In my firmly entrenched twenty-something mindset her marrying him seemed like settling to me. Making do. I thought she was deserving of so much more. Despite my angst with the story, I never forgot one of the quotes from the book - to only connect the prose and the passion … live in fragments no longer. This quote, or more specifically, the phrase “to only connect” has stayed with me for the better part of three decades.

As in the book, I initially applied it to romantic relationships. My first real love, with an artist, was a high school relationship and extended well into college. We loved each other deeply, madly, passionately, in ways only young love is capable of. Over time, and one too many breakup and makeup scenarios later, I realized our sensibilities were far too similar. I began to think Margaret of Howard’s End might’ve been onto something, maybe I should seek to connect another’s prose with my passion. However fiery and all consuming it was, after years of experiencing high highs and low lows in a romantic relationship, I recognized the need for one with more stability.

So come with me here, this is analogous, I promise. Somewhere along the way I began to apply that “only connect” proposition, beyond matters of the heart, to include the source of my creativity. Imagination juxtaposed with a pragmatic prism is one of my strengths. Translating that romance and ordinary into an artistic framework is my jam. My brain and heart love making a semblance of order out of disparate elements and/or chaos. I actually enjoy parameters, I love me some good constraints. Because it forces me to think harder, cognitively challenge myself to come up with innovative solutions.

It’s evident in my appreciation of Baroque art. This art style isn’t built on ideal symmetry like the Renaissance period is and it isn’t “perfect”. But when done expertly, like in the works of masters like the painter Caravaggio and the sculptor Bernini, it achieves balance. But, that harmony is created through asymmetry, chiaroscuro, and movement. Its dynamic, this harmonious incongruence. Its much more difficult to achieve and I love that. I don’t want easy. I want magnificent.

This next analogy, has me wildly jumping to decorating a Christmas tree, but once again, trust me, there is a through line here … I promise. After a couple of decades decorating an artificial tree we procured a real Christmas tree this winter. Unlike the fake tree, the branches weren’t all equidistant to one another or well proportioned. It was that spontaneity, the way branches were haphazardly positioned, plus the confounding negative space in between them, that made decorating this live tree such a treat.

On the one hand, I totally understand how it’s more difficult, right? Naked on its own, a real tree is not neat and tidy. But I actually see this attribute, its spontaneity, its intrinsic unruliness, as rife with more opportunities. Especially as compared to the uniformity of those staid, store-bought, plastic trees. Predictability does not breed unique compositions.

Are all of of our tree decorating ornaments and embellishments the same? Are they unvaried? Similar in size and scope? No, no they are not. Not at all. That’s the nature of Christmas tree ornaments. Variety. Some are spherical in shape, some have a verticality to them, and some have the originality and innate charm of being crafted by little hands. Those are my favorites. Not to mention, the irregularity and undulation of ribbons, garlands and the incandescence of strings of lights. They’re showstoppers. These dissimilar components of purchased ornaments, handcrafted showpieces, and strings of garland, ribbons, and lights are optimally showcased on a natural tree vs. an artificial one. Their liveliness is best paired together.

Decorating for a holiday, creating original art, or producing a performance, all these pursuits meld well with my artistic sensibility. Elevating something beyond the ordinariness of the every day satiates my mind. I like to think I help make songs so others can hear them, see the beauty in what’s often overlooked.

In my past romantic relationships I was looking for someone opposite to complement me. But, in more recent times I've learned I don’t need to seek the reason to my ardor, I can make all those connections myself. Instead of looking for an individual to personify prose to complement my passion that duality lives within me. And not only that, I do it well.

I only needed to turn inward, listen to my voice, and see it for myself. I can harness the creativity and self-discipline to accomplish whatever I want. To reference my favorite childhood movie, in The Wizard of Oz Glinda the Good Witch asserts Dorothy can return home to Kansas, that she always had the power to do so but first had to know it herself. When the Tinman asks Dorothy what she’s learned she answers, “if I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.”